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In many urban settlements of the world, human or otherwise, one may often find the occasional Üffnik sulking about. Üffniks are seen almost as an entire species of curmudgeons, thriving in expansive cities where there is no shortage of work, nor is there a shortage of commoners to heckle.

UffnikPhysical Description: Üffniks are short, stocky creatures with a broad, but wiry build. They stand about four feet tall, but are almost always hunched over, taking half a foot or more off their height. Their entire body is covered with a thick layer of gray fur, which can often have a greenish or brownish tint. Their voices are gruff and gravelly, and the pitch of an Üffnik's voice is one of the only easy ways to tell their gender.

Society: Üffniks have little society of their own, and instead thrive in the civilized areas of other humanoid races. Though they are standoffish and rude, they are not lazy, and often take and excel at menial labor jobs - not because they are unintelligent, but because of the almost inborn assumption that nobody appreciates what they think. Though they are not actively malicious, they gain pleasure from annoying others with pranks and insults, and have an almost comical appreciation for things other races find repulsive, like unpleasant smells and discordant music.

Relations: Though they are generally unpleasant, Üffnik are generally not malicious and try to remain useful. Though they are jaded and cynical, this does not translate to being solitary; indeed, Üffniks thrive on having others to interact with, even if this interaction entails harassment. Because of this, they gravitate to the often populous cities of Humans, whose wildly varying cultures provide endless material for Üffnik insults.

Alignment and Religion: Üffniks typically have little patience for religious pursuits, and typically lack the drive to pursue lives of good or evil. Because of this, most Üffniks are Neutral aligned.

Adventurers: It's in an Üffnik's nature to heckle people for their strangeness, and adventurers are often the strangest of the lot. Though Üffniks typically lack the drive to go adventuring alone, they'll sometimes tag along with a group of adventurers who provide enough amusement. Though Üffniks will usually hound on their adventuring companions, they can grow to be exceptionally loyal and protective of them regardless.

Male names: Gregg, Humphrey, Oswald, Ludwig
Female names: Olga, Gretchen, Ronda, Helga

Üffnik Racial Traits

+2 Dexterity, +2 Constitution, -2 Charisma: Üffniks are tough and wiry, but generally unpleasant.

Small: Üffniks are Small creatures and gain a +1 size bonus to their AC<, a +1 size bonus on attack rolls, a –1 penalty to their Combat Maneuver Bonus and Combat Maneuver Defense, and a +4 size bonus on Stealth checks.

Slow Speed: Üffniks have a base land speed of 20 ft.

Endurance: Üffniks receive Endurance as a bonus feat.

Skepticism: Üffniks get a +2 racial saving throw bonus against illusion spells or effects.

Tough Skin: Üffniks have a +1 natural armor bonus.

Strong Stomach: Üffniks recieve a +4 racial saving throw bonus against any effect that would make them nauseated.

Stubbornness: Anyone attempting to use Bluff, Intimidate, or Diplomacy on an Üffnik takes a -2 penalty on their roll.

Armor Familiarity: Üffniks are proficient with light armor. If an Üffnik gains light armor proficiency from a class, they gain proficiency with medium armor.

Laborer: Üffniks recieve a +2 racial bonus on all Craft and Profession checks. Craft and Profession are always class skills for Üffniks.

Tough Build: Üffniks count as Medium creatures for the purposes of calculating CMB, CMD, and carrying capacity.

Languages: Üffniks start out speaking Common. Üffniks with high intelligence scores can learn any language (except for secret languages such as Druidic).

Author's Note: Yes, this is more or less an entire race inspired by Oscar the Grouch from Sesame Street. I don't know what possessed me to make it, but here it is.

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